alcohol, anxiety, art, birthdays, coffee, lack of communication, lazy, life, mental health, motivation, music, social media

Another one down … leave it.

{{{ Since publishing, this post has been slightly edited for content due to Aussie stalker. Oh yeah, Aussie stalker, it says no alcohol beyond this point. I imagine that means that you should stop here. Cheers! }}}

Day 4

Yes, oh yes.  Another successful day down.  I did however realize that I have had some of the cheesecake made for my husband’s birthday … it did have trace amounts of limoncello.  But since the cake was baked, that doesn’t count, right?

I was up all night.  And I mean ALL night.  No sleep.  Can’t believe that I am functioning at all.  When I would start to drift off into a sort of sleep, I would have disturbing thoughts that were like bad dreams while awake and anxiety would kick in.  I didn’t want to take the kpin and feel groggy, therefore, I ended up awake all night.  And the coffee pot broke this morning.  So, no coffee.  I like my coffee in the A.M.  I have been drinking TEA.  All day.  TEA.  What is it about drinking tea when you stop drinking?  Seems that everybody does it.  I did not even intentionally decide to drink tea.  It was like all of a sudden, I was just drinking TEA!  ALL DAY!  

(Right now I sit here with my oolong & jasmine green tea.  I have yet to decide if I even like it. I do like that brown rice tea stuff though.)

Along with my abstinence from alcohol, I have been abstaining from most social media outlets.  Save for this one of course, and this is not quite the same.  Because, well, it is easier for people to ignore me here.  Sad thing about that is, while I hate many things about social media, I do often use it as an outlet for just fun and stupid things that are just maybe an image or whatever that I don’t want to create a whole blog post for.  Plus, it reaches a much larger audience.  Do I have to resort to Tumblr? 

My FaceBook account is currently …

 

I did have someone recently talk about me doing a podcast with them. But really?  Who the hell wants to listen to me?  Unless maybe I am drinking.  People seem to like me a lot when drinking, and somehow find me amusing. The other thing is, I hate the term (notice that I did not say word) PODCAST.  I hate it just about as much as HASHTAG.  #podcast

I only have like 7 unfinished collaborative projects that are supposed to be happening right now that are not. Why?

  • Time
  • Money
  • A.D.D.
  • Confusion
  • Frustration
  • Anxiety
  • Lack of communication

Also, I am supposed to do that art show in NYC in October.  Suddenly, I lack the motivation. 

(Time to make more tea.)

I did finish the ice cream cake this morning.  You know what else happens when you stop drinking alcohol, you eat cake.  My husband usually goes for ice cream.  I like that too, but there is all this cake in the house.  And now ICE CREAM CAKE.  

(It was actually quite tasty.)

I have not been sitting at my outside table.  That makes me sad.  I have not gone on nice bike rides, that makes me feel sad, and kinda lazy.  I have not made any artwork. I have however been taking on extremely interesting tasks such as consolidation of my husband’s student loans … so that they don’t garnish his wages.

I’m freaking out a little here today, and wish that I could just get my head to leave things alone.  I know that things are bad, when I just intentionally listened to a band that is on my top 10 hate list.  

Let me share:

Remember when MTV did that awful like 2 day marathon of like hundreds of videos all with just this song back in 1984?  Yeah, I am that old.  And it sucked.  But at least MTV actually played music then.  It wasn’t all reality TV then.

Here I am.  In Santa Fe.  (At least there are trees outside my window.)

I hope that you are all having a beautiful day.  Namaste.  All that crap.  Oh, maybe I need to run out and get myself a COEXIST bumper sticker.  (I actually snap a photo every time I am behind a vehicle with one of these. Traffic lights are REALLY long in this sleepy little town.)

 

 

 

 

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9 Comments on “Another one down … leave it.

  1. I love voyeuring your days…and apparently nights too since you can’t sleep. I think that will come. Here’s a simply cyber “huzzah” to you for exploring your demonic options. I will say that I immediately heard that Yes song in my head when you mentioned leave it…so ok one of your top 10 hated bands is one of my top 5 faves…that is ooook. If the mood strikes you, I might recommend Hearts off that same album. Hopefully it won’t make you hurl all that tea and ice cream cake you’ve been swilling. šŸ˜‚

    1. You can ask @desertcurmudgeon My first husband was a prog rock musician. NOTHING will get me to like YES!

      1. ROFL I understand…my wife was mostly the same way. She was into Stiff Little Fingers, Tenpole Tudor, etc. Question…can you like a song w/o liking a band?

  2. Ha, you should rename your blog “A.D.D. and cake: the sober experience”. I don’t really have any advice to offer you, and even if I did I feel like it would be too condescending coming from someone on the outside, but I can say I support you – or is that worse? I mean condescending is one thing but “I support you” feels so empty. I mean it’s essentially the equivalent of a temporary Facebook profile filter.
    Anyhow, keep it up I guess, and good luck.

  3. In my experience, people started smoking or smoking a lot more when they quit, and if there wasn’t coffee at a meeting, it wasn’t a meeting.

    I smoked my way through rehab (twice) because there is nothing else to do but sit around and smoke with your new addict friends. Which is not bad at all because addicts tend to be hilarious, lovely people when sober. Luckily, the smoking habit didn’t stick.

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