“Sober folks, I envy them and try to be one sometimes.”
Few of you here I am sure have any desire for my ramblings. It sure won’t be politics, philosophy, religion, that is pretty much a given. And honestly, not even sure what it is that I have to say. And this blog will lack some focus. But maybe that is why I will try to use it. To reel in that A.D.D. part of my mind. Work through my anxieties and find my direction.
Since moving to Santa Fe, I live in a pretty great place. I have spent a lot of time organizing it and trying to make it a home. Keeping it clean and whatnot. That is almost a full-time job. But I do want to be outside more. Not just walking the dog, or riding my bike. There are those moments where I have to be on my computer working, and I don’t want to just see the leaves of the tree outside my window. The other day I picked up a cute little tile top bistro set from a woman who was renovating her restaurant. She had 10 of these beautiful bistro sets that were the seating on the patio. It has rained since I got it, but I think that today may be my day to make a nice afternoon espresso or latte and take in the beautiful weather and scenery out there. I lack a little bit of motivation today, but perhaps the caffeine will give me a little spark.
In a world where there is so much to be accomplished, I too have my hands in so many projects it can be hard to keep them straight. And hard to keep me straight. AND hard to get motivated. The To Do List in my “Bullet Journal” (for just this week) is currently running at 68 items. I am trying to work my way through them, but some opportunities keep coming my way.
- A woman I know and became friends with a year or so ago when she was driving through town and needed a place to crash, has temporarily moved to Taos. A bit north of here, but not unmanageable. She came down a few days ago, and we had tea together at a local tea house. She is an artist. An artist/activist, who has work all over the world. I have had a project idea that I have been wanting to work on, and in discussion with her, she has one that would meld perfectly. Unfortunately, she will not be in NM long, so I have to rock things pretty fast. (She may also be a good resource for my husband and some of the projects that he is working on … so he may steal her time a bit.) For this project I also have to find, meet, and interview models. Next week we have to scout locations in Taos.
- My husband and I also have a project that we need to get started on, because it needs to be done in a month or so. We have yet to even plan. It is pretty major, and will also require travel, so I need to be able to monitor airfare.
- I was also asked to do something COMPLETELY different with some of my work, involving projection, multimedia, and a DJ. I have not even begun to explore the logistics of that.
- Some of my work may be in a show in NYC in a few months. But I don’t know yet and need to plan. STRESS.
- There are a few other galleries that MAY be interested in hanging some of my work … so I need to make more of it.
- AND, I am meeting with someone else on Monday that I am hoping to take on a project with.
All of that being said, I should not have had those drinks with dinner last night, and need to try to spend some more time focusing. Maybe I will start a 30 day regime of no drinking to see how that goes.
I look at women, like the one that I had tea with the other day. She has SO many projects. SO much experience. She is always busy, AND her work has definitive purpose. She lectures at universities. Does public performance art, has pieces in national museums in other countries. Granted, she is younger than me, and has no kids. But I need to find my direction.
A few months ago, my good friend Ian was worried about me. He said that I was fading away and starting to lack purpose. He was kind of traveling that road as well. He has now been sober for a few months. He seems happy. He seems good. I’d be happy if I could just wake up in the morning and feel energetic and alive again.
Today is about me and my research. And trying to find some hint of that direction. Something to ignite that spark. And even though there are a few events that I would love to attend. (Both unfortunately at bars.) I am going to decline and work on more home organization and a bit of life direction.
But you know what? There is also an awesome Pride event happening in Taos right now.
All I have to do is find that victory.